Strippers at my church picnic

I was reading the bible last night and found a passage which was clearly speaking to strippers. Let me explain.....If I believe, as the church in America teaches me to, that the Bible is the living word of God and speaks not only to a particular people in a particular time but to anyone in any time and if, along those same lines, I believe that a biblical education such as is found in a seminary (or "cemetery", as I've often heard it called by wise and witty men of God) is something which may do some good for some people but is not a necessity for all christians, then I should be able to read any passage in scripture and have it speak directly to me where I am today and I should not need any special understanding in order to apply its teachings directly to my life. So when I got back from a bachelor party last night, I was reading the bible and came across this passage:

Luke 6:38 Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.

Having just, that very night, spent in "good measure" quite a bit of money which was "pressed together" into someone's "bosom", the meaning of this passage was clear; the more this exotic dancer danced (the more she "gave"), the more men would "give into" her "bosom". What a clear kingdom principle for those who enter into this particular vocation!! Some would say that the word "bosom" is metaphorical rather than literal but unless explicitly told otherwise, ALL scripture should be taken as literal because it is the infallible inspired word of God. This is how I KNOW that the book of Revelation predicts the premillennialist pre-trib end of the world scenario roughly charted out by experts such as Tim LaHaye and Hal Lindsay. If we take "bosom" as metaphorical, where do we stop? Pretty soon we are left with a metaphorical Jesus on an allegorical cross.

I have also learned, from so many church services, that going back to original languages, looking for "cultural/historical context", and other such tactics are merely ways in which the leftist, over-educated, and spiritually numb theologians of our day seek to distort our high view of scripture and undermine God's will; twisting what scripture means to us today by claiming to seek what it meant "when it was written". If God had meant for us to know what it "meant when it was written", He would have placed us in that time and not here in 2009. This being said, it is very crucial that one be able to back up one's position with other scriptures (also read at face-value) from various places in the bible. Thus I offer, to support the above Kingdom Principle, the following support;

Joshua 6:17 "And the city shall be accursed, even it, and all that are therein, to the LORD: only Rahab the harlot shall live, she and all that are with her in the house..." This scripture proves God's mercy and willingness to use a Harlot (old english for whore). If God will use and save a harlot (old english for whore), why would he shun a girl who merely strips at bachelor parties? Did not our Lord Himself save from execution one who was guilty of adultery?

2 Samuel 6:14 "And David danced before the LORD with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod. " Here we see the man after God's own heart dancing scantily clad in public. Some would say he was dancing to the Lord but we can clearly read that he danced BEFORE the Lord. If God truly is omnipresent then anywhere we dance, we are dancing before Him.

1 Samuel 19:24 "And he [Saul] stripped off his clothes also, and prophesied before Samuel in like manner, and lay down naked all that day and all that night. Wherefore they say, Is Saul also among the prophets?" Saul is here called a prophet when God has him STRIP NAKED before Samuel. Perhaps we in the modern church have a shallow view of prophesy and are missing out on God in our refusal to hire strippers at church picnics and special services.

DISCLAIMER: Mike Golin did not actually attend any bachelor parties or come anywhere near any stripper's bosoms. Neither does Mike Golin actually condone the hiring of strippers by churches or para-church organizations. Mike Golin is simply tired of face-value biblical teaching and the downplay of education's crucial role in "studying to show yourself approved, a workman who need not be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth" (2Tim 2:15). If one actually believes the Bible to have any value whatsoever, the refusal to educate oneself concerning its history, context, and content, giving any excuse short of severe mental handicap, is disrespectful at least and sinful at most.